Pre-Packing (Yes. That's a Thing.) [T - 30 days]

Some may laugh at my level of extreme organization, but laying out what clothes I'm going to bring (even without my suitcase on hand) was undeniably helpful. Turns out I do have enough cardigans (I'm not surprised), but I would like another black and another white tank top. Not that I ever need an excuse to buy a tank top.

Take note of the color scheme of my Japan wardrobe. Can you guess what colors I like to wear? Ha!

Staring at that spread of clothes, knowing they would be all I had for 4 months... It was another "Holy crap. This is real. Like. Real real. This is going to happen." moment. It may be just clothes, but my wardrobe has always been a source of confidence, security, and identity for me. When I realized I could bring a lot of options, I felt less anxious. I know now I will still feel like myself, amidst an ocean of new surroundings.

Though, what do I know? All that stuff might not fit. I'll let you know how it turns out...

Info, Info, Info! [T - 33 days]

I received a bunch of information today that I'm happy to say is making me more excited than overwhelmed or nervous. I CAN DO THIS!! 

First off, I found out I will be spending my long weekend homestay (October 4-6) with the Hosoda Family:

• Erina is a senior at Bunkyo University.
• Her older sister Marina is 23.
• Their mother Mami is 48.
• Plus they have a dog!

I sent Erina a brief email introducing myself and telling them I was looking forward to meeting them. I sent them a couple photos of me, my family, and my dog. I also bought gifts for them today.

• A 2014 calendar for Mami, with beautiful drawings of fruits, vegetables, and herbs.
• A pretty blue scarf for Marina.
• A small coin/keepsake box for Erina.

Our program directors have told us how lucky we are to get to do a homestay. Since Japanese homes are so much smaller than ours, it is not very common for them to have overnight guests. I know they will be eager and welcoming, even with the inevitable language barrier.

[Editor's Note: My program director just came in to the office where I am working/writing this to tell me I "got a great homestay family"! Score!]

On the information form, there is a section where the student can write why her family is participating in the homestay program. Here's what she wrote:

"The reason is because I am eager to share time with international people as much as I can.  Because I experienced homestay in USA and my host family was so nice, I want student stay my house and to give her good memories of Japan."

How sweet, right? And in response to what they would like to do with me while I am there:

"I would like to cook Japanese food together, to visit place where many traditional architectures are, and to do something interesting for the student."

Yes to all of those things!

I also received my class schedule today. No class on Mondays, and class until only 10:40 a.m. on Fridays? I can definitely work with that. The classes are a bit interesting in that SA 375B and HIST 300D (as they are called at CSB/SJU) are actually each composed of three once-a-week classes. The grade from each class is averaged to get the overall grade which goes onto my CSB/SJU transcript.

I have a whole handbook to read and decipher and condense into spreadsheets. I will post more soon!

Excitement Rapidly Rising. Buy Now. [T - 34 days]

Maybe it's because of the giant spreadsheet packing list I've been working on lately. Maybe it's because I'm wearing an outfit with pieces I'm all bringing to Tokyo. Maybe it's because of the increase of dreams I'm having about Japan. Whatever it is, I'm the most excited I've been for this journey.

I'm excited to pack, to lay out the material possessions I will sustain on for four months. (And to pick out which cardigans I'm bringing.)

I'm excited to fly by myself again. It feels fancy and grown up.

I'm excited to get off the Boeing 787 at the Narita Airport, exhausted and culture-shocked and alone.

I'm excited to meet Japanese students who will help me go grocery shopping and show me amazing things in Tokyo.

I can see it. It's getting closer every minute.

50% Acceptance, 30% Terror, 20% Excitement [T - 39 days]

An Excitement rate of only 20% for a semester journey to Japan may seem dangerously low, but this is up from my earlier rate this summer of about 10% (with 88% Terror and 2% Acceptance). For the past few days I have found myself thinking, "Okay. All right. This is happening. Okay. I can do this. Here we go." And just today I have realized I don't have to focus on all the Terrifying aspects of going to living in Japan (laundry! groceries! the subway! strangers! homesickness! money! 13 million people!). Instead, I can focus on the Exciting things (making friends! new foods! music! sake! exploring! bonding! wandering! temples! malls! clothes!) and not be overwhelmed by Terror. Positivity: what a novel idea.

I've had to go easy on myself for being Terrified over these past few months. Part of me wants to hang onto my bed for dear life screaming, "NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO. I DON'T WANT CHANGE. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. I WANT TO STAY HERE WHERE I UNDERSTAND THINGS." But hey everyone, it's okay to be Terrified. Really. It is. As long as you go out there and do it anyway.

Some members of my trip post on Facebook how many days it is until we leave. I do not enjoy this (it ignites the Terror), but I'm going to go look right now. Ready? (I'm not.)

39 days.

Crap, that's way fewer than I thought. Why did I look? Oh well. Too late now.

Slowly but surely all my documents and appointments and little things are coming together, and the next big thing will be Packing. How many tank tops do I bring? Which shoes? Will it all fit? Will it be under 50 pounds? I know it won't be too much of a nightmare, though, because I've always loved packing.

Look! Here's where I will be living:
View Larger Map

I hope to keep posting my pre-travel and abroad thoughts/photos/musings here. But no promises, people. I'm going to be very busy making memories, and I will love to share them with you all, either here or in person.